When Lina, a German au pair, met the grandmother of a Chinese family for the first time, she blurted out “Auntie”, which made the scene a bit awkward - she didn't know that Chinese elders need to be called “Grandpa/Grandma” and “Uncle/Auntie”. “When Au Pair Mike used his chopsticks to pick up vegetables, the chopsticks always ”fought" and accidentally dropped the vegetables on the table, although his parents didn't say anything, Mike himself turned red! ......
As an expert in au pair education, Glacier serves hundreds of au pair families every year and has seen too many small misunderstandings caused by differences in etiquette. In fact, these problems are not insurmountable - as long as you prepare well in advance and use the right methods, you can help your au pair and your family to quickly cross the cultural gap and realize a two-way pleasant experience. Today, we have summarized a 3-step solution to help you avoid the “minefield” of etiquette, based on real service cases.
Au pair is most likely to step on the 3 etiquette “pit” (Court Laixi real case)
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Meeting etiquette: hug or handshake? Calling the wrong generation is more embarrassing
Case in point: Maria, a Spanish au pair from Shanghai in 2023, gave her grandpa a warm face-to-face salute when they first met, and he instantly froze (Chinese elders are more accustomed to shaking hands or nodding their heads). To make matters worse, she called her father's sister “sister”, which made the relatives laugh and cry.
The essence of the problem: the au pair lacks advance knowledge of the big differences between Chinese and Western systems of physical expression and family designation.
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Table Manners: Bad Chopsticks + Differences in Habits
Case in point: Paul, a French au pair, did not know how to use chopsticks and made “slurping” noises while eating (which is considered impolite at the Chinese dinner table). His mom wanted to remind him of this, but was afraid of hurting his self-esteem, which led to a tense atmosphere at the dinner table.
Nature of the problem: Cultural differences in utensil use and dining habits require two-way understanding rather than blame.
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Visiting etiquette: the wrong gift + not sure of the time
Case in point: Lisa, a Canadian au pair, brought a bottle of red wine to visit a family friend, not realizing that the other party does not drink; she also arrived 15 minutes early, catching her host off guard (it is customary in China to visit 5-10 minutes early, but not too early).
Nature of the problem: Cultural differences in gift selection and concepts of time that require advance instruction.
Two,The 3-Step Solution: Bridging the Gap from Awkwardness to Rapport
The core strengths of Gerlach lie in prevention + process support + two-way communication, helping families and au pairs to resolve etiquette conflicts:
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Pre-arrival cultural training: “Mannerism” in the au pair's preparation list
Before your au pair arrives in China, you will be provided with an exclusive "Etiquette Guide for Chinese Families".
- Title List: Labeled with common family generations (grandpa/grandma/uncle/aunt, etc.) and their English equivalents, also with family photos + title matching exercise;
- Physical etiquette: Clarify that “a handshake is appropriate for the first meeting, but a hug is acceptable after familiarity” and practice in simulated scenarios;
- Table manners: chopsticks use tutorial (from holding to pinching skills), dining taboos (don't barf, don't turn over food), etc;
- Visiting etiquette: suggestions for gift selection (avoid sending taboo items such as cigarettes, alcohol, clocks, etc.), arrival time range (5-10 minutes early).
effectMaria, who went through our training before coming to China, confirmed all the terms of address with her family on video in advance, and when we met, she accurately called out “grandpa/grandma” and took the initiative to shake hands, which instantly brought her closer to the family.
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Family-Au Pair Handbook: A “basis” for communication依
Colesh will assist families in creating a Family-Only Etiquette Booklet, which will include:
- Daily habits of the family (e.g., whether talking is allowed at the table, elders move the chopsticks first, etc.);
- Special occasion etiquette (e.g., do's and don'ts for holiday visits, family gatherings);
- Communication style (au pairs are encouraged to take the initiative to ask questions and families are patient and guided rather than blamed).
case (law)When Paul moved in, it was clearly written in the family handbook that he should “try not to make noise when eating”, and his mom followed the advice in the handbook and taught Paul chopstick skills for 10 minutes every day, and after a week, he was able to skillfully pinch the food, and there was no more embarrassment at the dinner table.
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Ongoing consultant follow-up: being your “culture clash mediator”
The 1-to-1 au pair's counselor will follow up with the au pair on a weekly basis after her stay:
- Take the initiative and ask if there are any etiquette issues;
- If a conflict arises (as in the case of Lisa's wine gift), the counselor communicates in a timely manner: informing Lisa of Chinese gift taboos while making sure the family understands Lisa's good intentions;
- Regular online sharing sessions are organized for au pairs to exchange their experiences in etiquette adaptation.
effect: Lisa has since learned to give tea or fruit as gifts, to time her visits well, and to get along with her family friends.
III. Two-way tolerance: making differences in etiquette an “opportunity for cultural exchange”
Gerlach has always believed that intercultural understanding is at the heart of the au pair program:
- Families need to be more tolerant: differences in etiquette are not “right or wrong” but “different”, e.g. an au pair's hug is an expression of friendship, not disrespect;
- Au pairs need to take the initiative to learn: observe family behavior and ask questions when they don't understand (e.g., “Is this the right way to address the family?”). “Is it okay to use chopsticks like this?”). (e.g., "Is it okay to use chopsticks like this?");
- You Laixi as a bridge: help both sides to establish a “no pressure communication” mechanism, so that small misunderstandings can be turned into opportunities for cultural learning.
Conclusion: Making the au pair experience smoother, Colletti is always there!
Whether it's an au pair program, summer school or study abroad at an early age, Glacier is committed to helping children and families cross the cultural divide and achieve a seamless transition. If you are worried about au pair integration or would like to know more about our services, click here to consult with a Glacier consultant and get your customized solution!