Glacier｜Glacier Au Pair Getting Along Guide: Not Tolerant Enough? 3 Tips to Resolve Intercultural Conflicts
As a professional agency specializing in au pair programs, summer schools, and study abroad programs for young students, Glacier has discovered through serving hundreds of families that tolerance is the key to the success or failure of the relationship between au pairs and host families. Many families welcome au pairs with high expectations, only to find themselves in conflict due to a lack of “tolerance” for cultural differences—today, let’s discuss how to use tolerance to resolve the challenges of cross-cultural coexistence.
Why is an open-minded attitude so important for au pair families?
Life across borders is, at its core, a process of cultural exchange. Even people from the same country can experience friction when living together for extended periods, let alone au pairs from different cultural backgrounds. Glacier’s au pair program advisors often say: “ ‘Welcoming an au pair isn’t about welcoming a ’perfect foreigner,‘ but rather embracing a ’different way of life.”“ Only by letting go of the obsession with ”changing the other person’ can we truly realize the value of cultural exchange—this not only helps the au pair integrate into the family but also helps children develop a global perspective from an early age (which is also one of the core goals of summer camps and study abroad programs for young children).
Those easily overlooked “differences” are actually cultural markers
For many families, their “unfamiliarity” with au pairs essentially stems from a lack of understanding of cultural differences:
– Differences in lifestyle habits: For example, some au pairs from Europe and the U.S. don’t eat breakfast (because they’re used to eating light meals or eating later), and they like to play video games on weekends to relax;
– Differences in communication styles: Au pairs from Europe and the U.S. tend to express their opinions directly, which may be misinterpreted as “rudeness”;
– Differences in social customs: Some au pairs come from more open cultures and dress more casually (such as wearing shorts at home), which traditional families may find “inappropriate.”
Gelaoxi's Tips: Before matching an au pair, we conduct a detailed survey of their habits (such as dietary preferences and communication style) and discuss these with the host family in advance to help both parties prepare mentally. For example, Ms. Zhang’s family in Shanghai learned through our advance notification that the au pair did not eat breakfast, so they proactively adjusted their daily schedule to avoid any initial awkwardness.
The Consequences of a Lack of Inclusivity: The Gap Between “Expectations” and “Disappointment”
Many families initially have idealized notions about au pairs (envisioning them as the foreign friends they see in movies), but when they actually live together, minor differences can magnify the other person’s flaws—this is a classic case of “talking the talk but not walking the walk.”
Take, for example, the Li family in Beijing, whom Gelaixi has served: Mike, their au pair from Canada, was in the habit of pointing out problems directly (such as saying, “This toy isn’t arranged safely”). Mrs. Li felt he lacked “emotional intelligence” and at one point considered ending the arrangement. Later, through our cross-cultural guidance, Mrs. Li came to understand that this was simply the “frankness” characteristic of Canadian culture, and she actually found this style of communication to be more efficient. Eventually, Mike and the child became good friends; he even led the child in science experiments in English, and the child’s spoken English improved rapidly.
A lack of openness not only undermines mutually beneficial relationships but also deprives children of opportunities for cross-cultural learning—which is precisely the core competency that summer schools and study abroad programs for young students aim to cultivate.
3 Tips for Cultivating Openness and Building Harmonious, Mutually Beneficial Relationships
- Get a head start on understanding cultural differences: Through Gelaxi’s cross-cultural training courses, learn about the cultures of the countries where au pairs work (such as “personal boundaries” in Western cultures and the “slow pace” of life in Southeast Asian cultures);
- Replace “judgment” with “curiosity”: When you notice an au pair’s different habits, ask “why” first (such as, “Why don’t you eat breakfast?”) before jumping to conclusions;
- Turn differences into learning opportunities: For example, if the au pair enjoys playing video games, you can encourage your child to discuss the games with them in English; if the au pair expresses their opinions directly, you can teach your child to adopt this effective communication style.
Glacier’s Commitment: We don’t just provide au pair matching services; we also offer comprehensive cross-cultural guidance (for both host families and au pairs) to help everyone build truly inclusive relationships.
In Closing: Openness is the first step toward cross-cultural growth
Whether it’s an au pair program, a summer camp, or study abroad for young children, the ultimate goal is to help children grow with confidence in a globalized environment. And a family’s openness is the best “cross-cultural classroom” a child can have.
If you have any questions about your au pair experience or would like to learn more about summer camps or study abroad programs for young students, please feel free to contact Glacier’s professional advisors—we are always here to support you and your child as you navigate the journey of cross-cultural exchange.