Glacier｜Guide to avoiding the pitfalls of au pair relationships: Over-warmth does not mean friendliness, do this to make the relationship last longer!
As a professional au pair agency that has been working in the au pair field for several years, Glacier has found that over-enthusiasm is the “invisible minefield” that Chinese families are most likely to step on when inviting their au pairs - seemingly friendly gestures that may break the boundaries and lead to conflicts. Today, Glacier will help you avoid the pit of over-enthusiasm by combining our experience with 100+ au pairs to help you get along with your au pair across cultures from “awkwardness” to “tacit understanding”!
First, the two major “minefields” of excessive enthusiasm, you hit?
Through analyzing the data, Gerlach found that 80%“s families have had difficulties getting along with each other due to ”over-enthusiasm", mainly focusing on these two points:
Minefield 1: Breaking privacy boundaries and triggering psychological discomfort
The “warm greetings” of Chinese families are often characterized by curiosity about the foreign culture, but excessive questioning (e.g., “Have you ever had any bad experiences?” “Why did you come to China?”) or paying too much attention to the au pair's personal life, it is easy for the straightforward foreigner to let down his or her guard and reveal sensitive information. This is not only confusing for the family, but may also affect the child's psychological state.
Minefield 2: Over-commitment leads to “unequal enthusiasm”
Many families invest a lot of time and money in taking their au pairs to luxury hotels and expensive sightseeing spots at the beginning in order to “fulfill their hosting duties”. However, cases of 60% au pairs have shown that au pairs will see this “over-the-top treatment” as “pressure” rather than “friendliness”, and will not be able to fulfill the family's expectations (e.g., “spend more time with the children”), causing conflicts. Au pairs may see this as “pressure‘ rather than ’friendliness” and may be conflicted because they are not able to fulfill the expectations of the family (e.g. being more attentive to the children) - the family feels "I'm being so nice to you, but you don't appreciate it? Au pairs feel that "I am only here to au pair, not to be a 'guest'".
Second, the Court Laixi professional program: grasp the “enthusiasm scale”, so that the relationship gradually warmed up!
To address the issue of over-enthusiasm, Coleshi customizes a “Progressive Enthusiasm Plan” for each family, which adjusts the way we interact with each other in relation to the depth of the relationship:
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Initial period (1-2 weeks): “Regular reception + clear boundaries”
Court Leahy consultants will train families in advance:
- The three no's: don't ask for too much privacy (just talk about hobbies and the weather), don't over-arrange large-scale activities (avoid taking long-distance trips on your first meeting), and don't over-pay for material things (just provide comfortable accommodation and daily meals, no need to send expensive gifts);
- Clear rules: A “family handbook” in English and Chinese informs au pairs: “We welcome you, but we respect each other's boundaries, so feel free to communicate with us if you need anything.”
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Mid-term (3-4 weeks): “Small interactions + cultural sharing”
When both parties became familiar with each other, Court Leahy suggested:
- Arrange low-stress activities, such as a weekend trip to the neighborhood grocery store, the park, or cooking a “East-meets-West” dinner at home;
- Initiate a cultural exchange: Spend 30 minutes a week with the au pair sharing customs from their home country and the family sharing Chinese culture (e.g., making dumplings, writing brushstrokes) in order to increase bonding and maintain distance.
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Later (after 1 month): “Deep interaction + two-way running”
If you get along well, the Court encourages you to do so:
- Participate in family activities together: e.g. short trips, birthday parties, but ask the au pair in advance what she would like to do (“We would like to go to XX for the weekend, would you be interested in joining us?”). ;
- Moderate material gifts: e.g. small gifts with Chinese characteristics (e.g. paper cuttings, tea leaves) rather than expensive luxury goods, so that the au pair feels “heartfelt” rather than “burdened”.
Third, the Court Laixi exclusive support: so that you “do not step on the pit”.”
By choosing Court Leahy, you will not only be matched with a quality au pair who has a rigorous background check, but you will also have access to:
- 24-hour advisors online: advisors are on hand to provide solutions in the event of overzealousness or boundary issues;
- Customized Getting Along Guide: Tailor-made interaction programs based on the personality and cultural background of the family and the au pair;
- Intercultural training class: Take a free online class on "How to grasp the scale of getting along across cultures" and master pitfall avoidance skills in advance.
Case Study: A family in Beijing was under pressure because they took their au pair to stay in a 5-star hotel at the beginning of the program and the au pair was reluctant to spend time with their children. Under the guidance of our consultants, the family adjusted to “daily sharing” (e.g. watching Chinese animation together, learning to cook home-cooked food), and after 1 month, the au pair offered to take the child to learn English games, and the relationship became very harmonious.
Why choose Glacier?
Over the years, we have become not only an expert in au pair matching, but also a mentor in cross-cultural coexistence - we know that an au pair is not a “guest” or a “nanny”, but an “international family member”. We know that au pairs are not “guests” or “nannies”, but "international family members". By choosing Collegiate Au Pair, you are not only getting an au pair, but also a complete set of solutions for cross-cultural coexistence, so that your children can improve their English in their native language and your family can feel the warmth of multiculturalism!
Contact Gerlach today to get your free copy of the Au Pair Getting Along Avoiding Pitfalls Handbook to make your intercultural family life easier and more harmonious!
Official website: www.glacieredu.com
Hotline: +86 186 1090 8992
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