Glacier｜The Essential Lesson for Young Adults: Raise a Child with High Self-Esteem, Avoid the 7 Pitfalls, and Double Your Cross-Cultural Adaptability
As a professional agency specializing in study abroad programs for young students, summer camps, and au pair programs, Glacier has worked with thousands of families and children and has found that: High self-esteem is the core foundation that enables children to find their footing in cross-cultural environments—whether it’s the confidence to actively engage with foreign teachers at summer camps, the ability to quickly integrate into local schools during study abroad programs for young students, or the capacity to engage in equal dialogue with au pairs to foster cultural understanding, all of these are underpinned by a strong sense of self-esteem.
Today, drawing on our frontline experience, we’ll discuss the common “pitfalls that destroy self-esteem” that Chinese parents often fall into, and how to raise resilient children.
I. Must-Avoid for Parents: 7 Hidden Pitfalls That Destroy a Child’s Self-Esteem
Many parents’ unconscious behaviors are quietly eroding their children’s self-confidence—these pitfalls are all too common when we work with families whose children are studying abroad at a young age or attending summer schools:
Pitfall 1: Rejecting everything, making the child feel like “I’m no good at anything”
“You’re no good at studying, no good at socializing, and no good at doing chores”—such sweeping criticism can cause children to internalize the belief that “I’m a failure.” For example, we once met a summer school student who, because his parents had often told him he was “careless and sloppy” when he was young, was too afraid to even share his own thoughts during group activities abroad.
Pitfall 2: Using “other people’s children” as a benchmark
“Look at XX—they never cause their parents any worry!” Comparisons like this can make children feel that “I’ll never be good enough.” Among children who study abroad at a young age, there was one who, after being constantly compared by their parents to a relative’s child, became so insecure that even when they achieved good grades abroad, they were too afraid to speak up in class for fear of not being “good enough.”
Pitfall 3: Portraying Yourself as a “Victim” and Making Your Child Feel Guilty
“I haven’t even watched a movie because of you.” “If it weren’t for you, I would have already made a name for myself in my career.”—Comments like these can place a heavy psychological burden on children and even lead them to give up on themselves. In an au pair program, one child—whose mother often said, “I’m staying home just for you”—always felt guilty around the au pair and was afraid to express their true needs.
Pitfall 4: Imperative Tone + Sarcastic Language
“You’re so stupid.” “How could I have given birth to a creature like you?”—Harsh commands and insulting language can directly shatter a child’s self-esteem. We once met a student preparing to study abroad who, because his parents frequently said things like this, was too afraid to even ask for prices when shopping overseas.
Pitfall 5: Over-controlling and depriving children of their freedom
Peeking at diaries, monitoring letters, restricting movements—this kind of control can make children feel that “I am not an independent person.” Among children who study abroad at a young age, those who are overly controlled often find it harder than their peers to adapt to independent living (such as managing their own schedules).
Pitfall 6: Taking it out on your child and venting your negative emotions on them
Is your workplace stress causing you to take it out on your child? This behavior makes children feel like they’re their parents“ ”emotional dumping ground.“ At summer camp, these children often don’t dare to interact with their classmates, fearing they’ll ”do something wrong and upset someone.”
Minefield 7: Belittling Your Child in Public, Leaving Them Embarrassed
Criticizing or belittling a child in front of others is the most damaging blow to their self-esteem. We once encountered a child in an au pair family whose mother publicly told him he was “too timid to speak to foreigners.” After that, he refused to interact with the au pair, missing out on a valuable opportunity for cross-cultural learning.
II. Glacier’s Expert Advice: 3 Steps to Raising a Child with High Self-Esteem
Taking into account the developmental needs of young students studying abroad, summer programs, and au pair programs, we have identified three practical approaches:
Method 1: Use “specific praise” instead of “general praise”
Instead of saying, “You’re great,” say, “It was so brave of you to take the initiative and chat with the au pair about soccer in English today!”—Specific praise helps children understand exactly what they did well, thereby building genuine self-confidence. At summer camp, children like this are more willing to participate in group discussions and quickly integrate into the group.
Method 2: Give your child the “freedom to choose” to foster a sense of independence
Involve your child in decision-making: for example, choosing summer school courses, planning weekend activities with their au pair, or selecting extracurricular classes before studying abroad—a sense of autonomy is the foundation of self-esteem. Children who study abroad at a young age will adapt more quickly to independent living overseas if they’ve had the freedom to make their own choices from an early age.
Method 3: Embrace Imperfection and Let Your Child “Learn from Mistakes”
When your child makes a mistake, instead of saying, “How could you be so clumsy?” say, “It’s okay; let’s figure out together how we can improve.” For example, in an au pair program, if parents can be accepting and offer guidance when communication breaks down between their child and the au pair, the child will be more willing to try cross-cultural communication rather than fearing mistakes.
III. In Closing: High Self-Esteem Gives Children the Confidence to Face the World
Whether it’s a short-term summer camp experience, long-term planning for studying abroad at a young age, or the daily cross-cultural interactions of an au pair, children with high self-esteem always adapt more quickly and are more willing to explore. Glacier firmly believes that fostering a child’s self-esteem is the best “passport to the world” you can give them.
If you want your child to grow up with confidence in a cross-cultural environment—whether you’re looking to enroll them in a summer program, plan for early study abroad, or seek advice on au pair programs—Glacier’s professional team can provide you with personalized guidance. Let’s work together to help your child build inner strength and embrace a wider world.